Retirement Card - You're Retired. Fucking Finally.
Retirement Card - You're Retired. Fucking Finally.
They’ve fucking done it. They’ve escaped employment. Permanently.
After decades of alarm clocks, getting up when they absolutely did not want to, dealing with people they absolutely did not want to deal with and repeatedly checking how many years they had left until retirement… they’re free.
The front reads:
“FUCKING FINALLY. YOU’RE RETIRED.
Congratulations. You’ve successfully outlived your employability.”
And inside:
“Enjoy doing absolutely fuck all.”
No more Sunday-night dread. No more annual leave requests. No more “I can’t, I’m working.”
Their time is officially their own now.
Which they'll presumably spend complaining they're busier than they ever were when they had a job.
Bastards. 😂
THE ACTUAL CARD
- Available in A6 Standard and A5 Large
- Printed on premium card stock
- Printed message inside with space for your own questionable handwriting
- Supplied with envelope
- Designed and printed in the UK by Ink Inappropriate
WHEN WILL I GET IT?
Orders placed before 5pm are dispatched the same day. Because if you've left buying the card until the last minute, we're not here to judge. We're here to enable you.
Choose Royal Mail 1st Class or 2nd Class at checkout and the relevant Royal Mail delivery times will apply.
Unfortunately, Royal Mail cannot be bribed by us. We have checked.
CHANGED YOUR MIND?
No drama. Unused cards can be returned within 14 days of delivery for a refund. You'll just need to cover the return postage.
If your card arrives damaged or we've somehow sent you the wrong one, send us a photo and we'll sort it. No arguing with customer service bots required - we're actual humans.
Personalised items can't be returned unless there is a fault, because unfortunately we can't convince someone else that your nan's name is also their nan's name - and trying to would just be mean, even for us!